Ah, Electronics
by redcheese
Summary: I kind of noticed that Ichigo doesn't have a computer. So, uh, he ordered one. Madness ensues, etc. The usual. Oneshot.


**Ah, Electronics.**

_First ever fic EVERRRRR. I'm mass uploading all my ichiruki stuff so it isn't really in order. Sorry O.O_

_I__ kind of noticed that Ichigo doesn't have a computer. So, uh, he ordered one. and MAYHEM BWAHAHAHA. okay never mind. i had too much mocha ice cream just now, so i'm rather high, see. so crack ahead. insomia strikes us.__  
_  
**Disclaimer: me no ownzors bleach.**

'OH MY GOD IT'S HEEEEREEE!!!'  
Ichigo's new computer had arrived.  
The first computer in the history of the Kurosaki household had graced the doorstep in its cardboardey boxey glory, and Isshin was estatic.  
You see, he naturally deemed it necessary for him to make such a big issue out of the arrival of his son's latest gadget, and had taken it aside with Yuzu to welcome it to the family with the proper Kurosaki-born rituals.

So, when Ichigo stomped down the stairs to see why in the name of Sereitei were the hall lights turned off at the freaking-early-time-of-seven-in-the-evening, he was greeted with a rather disturbing sight.

Isshin was decked out in some sort of tribal looking skirt that looked like (and probably WAS) made out of leaves, while dancing jovially around a merrily crackling fire IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMN LIVING ROOM. Not to mention that the fire was a tad bit too close to the cardboard box that was Ichigo's new computer that he had paid with his own savings. He could almost hear the desktop screaming.

Ichigo blinked. ...Were those coconuts around Isshin's chest?  
Maybe, just maybe, he didn't want to know.

His father, who had just caught sight of his son standing shell-shocked at the bottom of the staircase, beckoned with a bangle encrusted hand.

'Ichigoooo! We were just beginning the process of introducing your new friend to our family! Yuzu's getting the hot sauce and the miso for her to cleanse herself in...'

Ichigo wondered how many kittens had he murdered in his previous life for him to deserve such a depraved parent. At least Karin was sane, like him. And what was the bastard doing? Isshin had just gotten out a rubber chicken and a cleaver and was attempting to sacrifice the chicken to bless the computer with eternal peace and many children.

He would have stood at the staircase for days in serious shock if not for the horrific sight of Yuzu toting a nearly full cauldron of miso/hot sauce/whatever in Aizen's name that was towards them. He strolled foward, picked up the computer (he swore it was almost howling now) and carried it up to his room. Isshin and Yuzu, who were still trying to slice the head off the rubber chicken with the blunt cleaver, didn't notice much.

---

_Only _when Ichigo had managed to fix up the computer _AND _connect it to the internet did Rukia choose to emerge from the closet.

Skiver.

'You could have helped me read out the instruction sheet, could you, eh?'

'You could have let _me _decorate the computer desktop background with Chappy, could you, eh?'

'...but that's besides the point!'

'NO IT ISN'T! Chappy is never besides the point! Don't be mean to Chappy, he'll get hurt.'

'...okay, fine, I'll let you set the screensaver. Enough?'

Well, after that, he sorely regretted it. If he didn't lunge towards the mouse every five minutes, the screen would be spammed with images of dancing Chappy, clown Chappy, happy Chappy, and many many more headachy visions. While Rukia, naturally, sat there happily and cooed.

Though he held the firm belief that a good Chappy was a Chappy that was good and cooked, he had to say that Rukia sitting there happily and cooing was rather cute. He _had_ to give himself a little leeway on Rukia's cuteness. But only a little, he reminded himself. No more leeway. NO MORE WATCHING RUKIA. NO. BAD EYES.

Okay, fine, he _**would **_admit that he **_did _**watch Rukia discover how to create different user accounts (she called her account _chappyluver_, for Byakuya's sake), and how to figure out those "weird micro soft thingums". Well, he _**HAD**_  
to watch her, he argued indignantly to no one in particular, if not she probably would set the computer on fire or something. Ichigo liked winning battles against absolutely nobody, because he usually won.

Usually.

So, Rukia discovered the internet after an hour or two. After her argument with him about why the icon was an E and not a C, she set off to badger Ichigo about what the internet was for.

'The internet is, uh, basically for people to interact with each other.'

'To interact with each other about the cuteness of Chappy?'

'...people usually do more time worthy things than talking about Chappy.'

'CHAPPY ISN'T NOT TIME WORTHY!'

Her fist, as usual, made contact with his forehead, causing him very, very sharp pain. He should ask his depraved father to take a look at it, Rukia could have inflicted a hairline crack on his skull.

'SAY IT. Chappy isn't not time worthy.'

'...Chappy isn't not time worthy.'

'See? Even you agree with the greatness of Chappy.'

Ichigo didn't know why he gave into her in the first place. But he did anyway. See? He gave more leeway than he knew he did.  
After a while, Ichigo decided that he would leave her to her own devices, and clambered onto his bed to have a well deserved break. He would probably dream of thousands of evil red-eyed Chappies spamming him, but he'd have to risk it if he wanted to make it to school tomorrow alive and a quarter awake.

Not a chance.

He was shaken awake at FREAKING FOUR IN THE MORNING because Rukia had discovered something very, very dangerous (to Ichigo, that is).

She had discovered the torrent download of 'The Adventures Of Chappy & His Cheerful Friends'.

So, Ichigo gave in to Rukia (again). The show was about 1 hour 40 minutes long, and torrents take a long time. This particular one would take about 3 days, as the download box demonstrated rather clearly, probably because of all the retarded five year olds in other countries downloading them at the same damned time.

Ichigo pointed out the abysmal download speed, and told her that it would take about three days to get the movie. But the involvement of Chappy had sapped all her ability to understand Japanese, so what little of Ichigo's night was left went something like this:

'See, there's 72 hours left. Go sleep or something. Please?'

'...72 hours? Oh. Okay. Good night, Ichigo.'

Let's see. Approxmiately two minutes and twenty five seconds of blissful shut-eye for Ichigo later...

'IS IT DONE YET? IS IT DONE YET? GO CHECK!'

'...WHAT THE HELL?'

'HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S NOT DONE YET? ICHIGO, CHECK IT NOW!'

The Rukia's Official Pout was rather hard to resist, so he dragged himself out of his comfortable mess of blankets and checked it for her.

72 hours and 48 minutes to end of download.

'ICHIGO, WHY DID IT INCREASE? DID YOU DO SOMETHIING TO IT?'

'...?!!?!'

'WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT? CHANGE IT BACK, CHANGE IT BACK!!!'

'...Rukia, did Urahara do something to your Gigai?'

'WHO'S URAHARA? I WANT MY CHAPPY, NOW!!!!'

And the accursed Rukia's Official Pout struck once more, and Ichigo crawled out of his lovely, warm, inviting bed AGAIN to see if he could do anything about the download speed.  
When the download speed increased (by work of some voodoo witch out there, he was sure) at about FIVE FREAKING AM IN THE MORNING, Rukia was at last appeased.

She gave him a happy hug and clambered back into her cupboard.

_Maybe it's worth it all just for the feeling of her arms arou-_NONONONONONO BAD ICHIGO BAD, BAD BAD!!!

When Isshin came up at about six, he wondered profusely why his son was beating himself furiously over the head with his bolster. Ah, Isshin smiled. Teenage woes.


End file.
